We’ve got a live rodent in an oven among the dirty dozen on this week’s Sick and Shut Down List, our weekly listing of restaurants that fail inspection from Miami-Dade, Broward, Palm Beach and Monroe counties.

OK, this is actually two weeks’ worth of restaurants, but, despite that, Monroe, you get off cleanly this time. The other three? You’ve got issues that need sanitized tissues (and then some).

The boiler plate: What follows comes from Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation restaurant inspections in Miami-Dade, Broward, Palm Beach and Monroe counties. A restaurant that fails inspection remains closed until passing re-inspection. If you see a problem and want a place inspected, contact the DBPR, not us.

We don’t control who gets inspected nor how strictly the inspector inspects. We don’t include all violations, just the most moving, whether internally or literally moving (because it’s alive or once was alive). We report without passion or prejudice but with two scoops of humor.

And we go in alphabetical order:

Chez Madame Johns Restaurant, 975 NE 125th St., North Miami: “Observed pumpkin with possible rodent gnaw markings.”

So, no pumpkin pie for dessert. Also, the inspector saw rodents mark their territory with “approximately 25 droppings under shelves in the kitchen area next to the preparation table, and five droppings on top of the water heater.”

Longtime readers know what’s coming next…”Observed food containers on the walk-in freezer floor.”

The inspector dropped bolts of Stop Sale on cooked chicken, pork and rice that was 24 to 29 degrees too warm and ready-to-eat food that had been ready-to-eat for over a week.

Chez Madame passed re-inspection Tuesday.

Chinatown, 3101 PGA Blvd., Palm Beach Gardens: Forget it, Jake. It’s…two live roaches in the front display/hot holding counter, 10 on the kitchen floor and five dead roaches elsewhere goes a long way to failing inspection.

No soap at the cookline handwash sink, indicating that’s not exactly a priority.

Chinatown was back open after the May 25 re-inspection.

Einstein Bros. Bagels, 989 N. Nob Hill Rd., Plantation: How the heck do you count 226 flies?

Ask the inspector who swung by this Einstein’s. About 20 flies darted around the women’s restroom. Think about how Amityville that feels and consider the inspector counted 100 at the front counter area.

“Observed flies landing on menu boards; the wall behind menu boards; license plaques; a container of caramel sauce; single service articles; and the container where condiment packets are stored in front service area, where bagels are stored and the sandwich making station, where preparation was in progress.

“Observed approximately 15 live flies flying under the register, landing on a cup with apple cider vinegar to trap flies.”

Through this flurry of flies, the inspector also saw ice machine ice with mold and a cooked brisket bacteria barge at 59 degrees when it needed to be at 41 degrees for proper food safety.

“Advised operator to start sanitizing work stations.” Yeah, in preparation for the re-inspection because you’ve already pulled an F on this one, Mel.

This place passed re-inspection May 18.

Haagen-Dazs Ice Cream Shoppe, 424 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach: With 33 flies shooting around, over seven of which landed on bananas in a storage rack (Stop Sale), seems kind of lazy and stupid to have “Gummy Bears, M&M and sprinkles stored next to the cash register not kept covered…ice cream cones covered in chocolate, chocolate with sprinkles and chocolate with nuts stored in a plastic display container, top portion not covered or protected, located on top of the ice cream display cooler at the front counter.”

The only restroom for customers or employees had an “out of order” sign on it. But the inspector saw the restroom seemed to be in working order. “Advised an employee that the sign must be removed.”

They were filling cones again after Friday’s re-inspection.

Listen to today’s top stories from the Miami Herald:

Japanese Restaurant Shima, 16873 NW 67th Ave., Northwest Miami-Dade: Now, this is a great reporting of roaches.

“Observed approximately 100+ live roaches crawling on the floor behind the front counter reach-in cooler…five live roaches on a preparation table with cooked sushi rice, and 20-plus live roaches crawling on the bottom shelves at the sushi station at the front counter. Five live roaches crawling on clean plates at the front counter sushi water station, and four live roaches crawling on the floor of the front dining area.”

Let’s check out the rundown of dead roaches, shall we? “Observed approximately three dead roaches on a preparation table in the front sushi counter that has sushi rice…30-plus dead roaches on the floor behind the reach-in cooler at the front counter, 10-plus dead roaches on shelves that hold cooked white rice at the front counter. Four-plus dead roaches on the floor at the front dining area, and three dead roaches under the table at the dining area.”

Apparently, roaches don’t like eggs because they didn’t get down with the ones sitting on the prep table for over an hour at room temperature, which was 88 degrees. Stop Sales crushed the eggs like, well, eggs.

Failed re-inspection May 20, passed re-re-inspection on May 24.

Ocean One Grille, 14851 Lyons Rd., Delray Beach: “One live fly on a cinnamon fried tortilla at the end of the cookline. One live fly on sweet potatoes next to the steam table in the kitchen.”

Also, “One live fly on inspectors visor.”

At this point, even without the “approximately 30 to 50 live flies on each power cable at 12 bar lights” or “two to four live flies on 16 dining tables inside the dining room,” Ocean One is deader than the Ocean heist movie franchise after “Oceans 8.”

“Accumulation of black/green mold-like substance on/around all soda dispensing nozzles at bar.”

Ocean One passed re-inspection on May 24.

Over the Bridge Cafe, 14851 Lyons Rd., Delray Beach: The butter in the reach-in cooler measured 74 degrees, which means both Over The Bridge’s butter and the reach-in cooler needed to be thrown off the bridge.

Meanwhile, the rodents left 28 signs of regularity, half of them under the dishwashing sink. Speaking of the dishwasher, it wasn’t sanitizing spit, the sanitizer measuring zero parts per million.

Failed re-inspection on May 26, passed re-re-inspection May 26.

Philo Caribbean Cuisine, 880 W. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale: After passing the food licensing inspection in April, a complaint brought the inspector back to the stand that used to be Curry Express. And, apparently, the complaining party spoke the truth like Richard Pryor.

“Live rodent in oven.”

Among the 126 pieces of rodent poop were 15 at the front counter, 10 on dry goods in the kitchen, 10 on an outside shelf with onions, potatoes and ginger. Also, there were “rodent rub marks on the wall above the fryer in the kitchen.”

Hope, for everybody’s sake, that neither Pixie nor Dixie ever slipped.

Also at the outside storage area, there were “two dozen flying insects crawling on cabbage, tomatoes and bags of cauliflower in the reach-in freezer at the outside storage area.”

“One live roach crawling on counter in kitchen above fryer.”

In an outside freezer, 50 dead flies.

“Food stored outside. Onions, ginger and potatoes stored outside *

This is a small place, but there’s too much going on outside at this joint. “Cleaned and sanitized equipment or utensils not properly stored. Pots and pans stored outside.”

“Standing water on floor under three-compartment sink and by the reach-in freezer at the front counter.”

There is no online notation that they’ve passed re-inspection.

Susie Lai Chinese Restaurant, 18305 NE 19th Ave., North Miami Beach: This was the place where, back in March, an inspector saw two rats running in the back areas, a mouse running in the dining room and watched the manager kill a mouse. What could be worse?

How about failing even more inspections? Instead of failing two inspections, as in March, Susie Lai produced four of a kind stinkers (literally) on May 25, 26, 27 and Tuesday.

What could cause such consistency of failure?

Start with “Observed a container of 16 uncovered spring rolls in a chest freezer that has nine dead roaches inside of it.”

The inspector only saw signs of the rodents’ regularity, 82 pieces, not the rodents themselves. This included “10-plus rodent droppings on a shelf that stores flour, rice, and canned products” and “five-plus rodent droppings on a wall above the prep sink in the kitchen area, 10-plus rodent droppings in the back storage room that stores bins of flour, rice soy sauce and cooking oil.”

Among the roaches spotted running around were one on a cutting board with broccoli and 15 on a shelf inside a dry storage area room. Among the roaches whose run had finished, two were “inside a container of Chinese fortune cookies” and over 12 were by the kitchen door.

“Objectionable odors in the kitchen or other areas of the establishment.”

Thai Thai & Sushi Bar, 1861 N. Pine Island Rd., Plantation: Another four-time loser, but one that finally got things cleaned up enough to pass inspection. Or, the inspector got tired of coming back and looking at this mess.

The inspector counted 16 rodent droppings, 10 of which were under the dish draining rack and 10 under sushi bar counters.

Of the 49 live roaches, about 20 were “on the storage rack where clean, sanitized food containers are stored next to the rice cooker.”

“Observed uncovered container with cooked chicken.”

A bucket held 10 dead roaches and a General Electric chest freezer held another 20.

“Observed heavy mold like substance build up in ice machine.”

With the above, there’s no surprise that one live roach was in the rice bin behind the walk-in cooler, which had a “mold-like substance” on it anyway. Basura.

Vic and Angelo’s, 290 E. Atlantic Ave., Delray Beach: Of the 64 flies, most bothersome likely would be the 12 “landing on the passing food window in the cookline” in the kitchen.”

Cooked pork in ragu sauce got tossed for still being too warm after being cooked and cooled the night before.

Have a Coke and a smile. “Accumulation of black/green mold-like substance on/around soda dispensing nozzles at the bar station.”

“Equipment drain line draining into handwash sink at the server station in the dining room.”

V-N-A passed a re-inspection on May 21, but a complaint brought the inspector back on May 27. On that occasion, mozzarella and orecchiette (the pasta that looks like shells) each measured at 48 degrees and nobody could tell the inspector when the pasta was cooked. Stop Sales ensued.

Vic and Angelo’s passed re-inspection on May 28.

Wendy’s, 1025 S. Main St., Belle Glade: The fly problem included six flies landing on the toaster and the cookline prep table and 15 landing on the sneeze guard in the cash register area.

The chicken nuggets kept in warmth weren’t kept warm enough, at 122 degrees. They needed to be at 135 degrees. The manager just said chuck it and did so without a Stop Sale.

Wendy’s passed re-inspection May 28..

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Since 1989, David J. Neal’s domain at the Miami Herald has expanded to include writing about Panthers (NHL and FIU), Dolphins, old school animation, food safety, fraud, naughty lawyers, bad doctors and all manner of breaking news. He drinks coladas whole. He does not work Indianapolis 500 Race Day.